Ten days and counting now until this rather bizarre situation of working and hanging around people I will never come across again in my entire life comes to an end.
It has crossed my mind to leave Sydney in a blaze of 'glory'. Perhaps I should crap on my manager's desk, raise the Union Jack over the Opera House and deck some of the posh looking poofs who live near me and walk their stupidly small fucking dogs in such a way that always seems to annoy me.
Got to stay calm, Matt. Don't blame the dogs.
In a rather strange attempt to stay interested at work, our web editor and myself took a colleague's possessions last week and moulded them in jelly (see above). And the strange thing is we don't really know why. Boredom can do funny things to you.
Although I want out of Sydney now, one feeling I have never felt during this trip is homesickness. That, I am sure, is largely attributable to the internet. I can type bollocks on here, e-mail a bit more, read all the web pages from home and pretty much watch any tv programme I want through the truly remarkable phenomenon that is youtube. I can have all the trimmings of life in the UK in my Sydney bedroom.
There are some drawbacks - such as decent newspapers. The Australian media is appallingly dreadful - you struggle to finish a drink in the time it takes to read every article in a newspaper you are actually interested in.
Three British newspapers produce weekly editions here, charging around $5 for the privilege. There is the Express, which is so lamentable I wouldn't wipe my arse on it and has the dubious honour of exporting good old fashioned British bigotry to all the news stands in Sydney. Then there is the Guardian, my favourite paper back home. Trouble with its international edition is that it is just that - a small paper full of world news. I don't understand the point in it. Why would anyone pay five times as much for a weekly round up of international news they can read in the world sections of any other paper every day? I'm sure the Czech government's policies on climate change are very laudable, but I'm not really that interested.
That only leaves the Telegraph, which despite its objectionable political views does provide what you want - a weekly round up of the best news, sport and comment from home. It's actually even quite funny to read the bile that is spewed forth from its pages. I had almost forgotten how bitter, hate fuelled and prejudiced the Right was. Well, almost. I look at the subjects these people rant on about with utter disbelief. It's as if they occupy a different planet. Mind you, I am a metropolitan left wing homosexual. I'd be slightly concerned if my friends started becoming concerned about fox hunting, the monarchy, the erosion of 'country life', British pensioners in Zimbabwe Nursing Homes (I'm not joking - this is a regular topic on the letters page), the future of grammar schools, whether the Rev Ian Paisley is a sell-out and David Cameron is a dangerous lefty.
Christ I'm bored. Roll on Saturday 16 June and my flight to Cairns.
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