Who the fuck is Alice?

For some reason I had always pictured Alice Springs to be Australia's answer to Dubai.

I had in my mind an image of luxury hotels and sun blessed resorts serving the thousands of tourists who come here principally to travel south to Uluru (Ayers Rock).

In reality, Alice Springs is absolutely nothing like that. Nor, in all seriousness, is there any prospect of it being like that. Alice is one of the most isolated places in Australia - thousands of miles away from the nearest sizeable town. Consequently, it does not have any real industry other than tourism, and its complete isolation means it is not without social problems. The first thing which greeted me as I walked from the station to the town centre was a group of drunken Aboriginal men shouting undecipherable abuse whilst I walked along the pavement. It was 11am on a Sunday.

Tired from my overnight train journey, I checked into my very basic hotel and then went for a walk. It was obvious Alice Springs was not a place with much to offer. I thanked the Lord I was only booked to stay here for two nights.

Believe it or not, one of the first things I did upon arrival in Alice was to join the local Blockbuster. Allow me to explain. My room had a DVD player - an unexpected but welcome surprise - and given that Alice only has four pubs, three of which are pretty awful, I figured some form of alternative entertainment would be required.

On Sunday night, I walked around town and was nearly run over twice by boy racers. This was more akin to Dartford than Dubai. After a couple of pints in an English theme pub, which didn't seem at all English to me, I hired a couple of films and headed back to the hotel with a nice bottle of wine. Tucked up in bed, I then had a lovely relaxing evening that was infinitely superior to anything on offer outside.

When I awoke on Monday, I must admit I was tempted to spend the whole day in bed watching films. Fortunately, I didn't and instead hiked a couple of miles out of town to the Alice Springs Telegraph Station - the reason this place exists at all.

In the 19th century, the British were finding it increasingly difficult to govern their Australian colonies because it took at least two months to get a telegram to the country. It wasn't exactly helping Australia's development either. As a result, a remarkable telegraph line was laid between Britain and Australia - part beneath sea level, the rest constructed across Europe, Africa, Asia and then across Australia. Opened in 1872, the line allowed messages to be exchanged in hours rather than months.

Given its location slap bang in the middle of Australia, the telegraph station at Alice Springs became very important. Before its construction there was nothing here other than Aboriginal settlements - it was the first building in central Australia. Over time a town developed in the surrounding area.

The telegraph station is today extremely well maintained and a very informative source of information. Its remote location also made for some great photographs (see above).

Talking of remoteness and photography, tomorrow (Tuesday) I head for Ayers Rock. Only slight problem is that the tour bus picks me up at 5.15am. Gulp.