vote for me!

On Saturday (March 24) voters go to the polls in the New South Wales State election - if they haven't died of boredom before then.

The Australian Labor Party (ALP) is expected to be re-elected comfortably for a fourth term of office, despite being regarded by most people - including their own supporters - to have a miserable track record.

Aussie politics is a curious set of affairs. Here there is a Federal Government, based in Canberra, which does Australia-wide stuff like decide to join in the fun and games in Iraq. It is run by the Liberal Party, which has the unusual distinction of not really being 'liberal' at all. They are the Tories of Australian politics.

Then there are state governments, which run day-to-day services like education, health and transport. These are all - every single one of them - run by Labor.

You may be wondering why it is that Australians from the outback to the centre of the cities consistently elect left leaning state governments, and yet have returned the 68-year-old deeply Conservative John Howard as Prime Minister in the last four federal elections. It is a question Australians themselves have difficulty answering.

Anyway, Labor are set to maintain their dominance in New South Wales in this week's elections. This is despite many people thinking they haven't really done very much other than preside over a crumbling transport system and an economy lagging behind other states.

Unfortunately for the Liberals, nobody really believes they can do any better. Parties of the Right will always have difficulty convincing people concerned about the standard of public services that they can run them better. Likewise the Liberal's plans for generating more economic growth in NSW seem to centre around sacking lots of state workers and scrapping certain employment rights. Who's gonna vote for that? Haven't they realised you are supposed to keep quiet about things like that until you get into power?

The Liberal leader, a guy called Peter Debnam, doesn't exactly inspire people either. In fact, he is exceptionally dull. The only thing he does that seems to get people talking is his topless daily run along Bondi Beach, which is a pretty unedifying sight. Think Frank Spencer trying to be David Hasselhof, and you're getting there.

Elections normally fascinate me, but I've given up reading about this one. The whole fucking state is having one big massive whinge - one newspaper today claimed Sydney has the worst public transport system in the world, which has to be one of the biggest porkies ever said outside of Nazi Germany or North Korea. And yet despite all this, it is predicted the party running the state for the last 12 years will get in by a landslide! Bodes well for Labour in the UK...

There is no chance of a low turnout here, either. No prospect of Labor supporters staying at home and the result being distorted - voting is compulsory.

If I could vote in this election, I'd want to give my support to somebody in tune with my values and beliefs. So obviously that would mean re-electing the charming Fred Nile, who is campaigning on an anti-gay ticket. His biggest concern appears to be that children are being 'taught' homosexuality in schools (ring any bells?!) and instead favours the teaching of 'Aussie values', whatever they are.

Note my use of the word 're-elect'. Sydney's reputation for liberal tolerance doesn't extend to all parts of this State...